He would have to stand up and say, "My name is Biscuit, and I'm addicted to TV."
I think Biscuit has watched more TV this past week than he has in his whole life combined. The first day Jeff and I were so sick, he watched from the time he got out of bed until the time he crawled back under the covers (save an afternoon nap).
We were okay with that just because we weren't able to interact with him, and quite frankly, we were staying as far from him as we could. And with the Nick Jr. channel, at least he is learning some things while he watches the shows.
But his problem didn't start Tuesday.
Biscuit is usually allowed to watch two shows each night after his bath. But since the time change, we haven't been as strict on our rule. When Biscuit gets home in the spring and summer, he and Jeff will often play baseball in the backyard until I'm done with dinner. But during the fall and winter, it's dark by the time we get home. No playing outside. And that often leads to extra TV.
A few weeks ago, we had Music Monday, and everyone enjoyed it.
After dinner, we all went to the living room and listened to music I had picked out. Then Biscuit picked out something. Then Jeff picked out something. It was fun sharing what we each picked. I said that night that I wanted to make Music Monday a weekly event.
But that didn't happen.
The problem is that Jeff and I are tube-heads, too. We both love TV. Out of habit, turning on the TV is often the first thing we do when we get home. It's background noise, mostly, because heaven knows there aren't many shows worth watching anymore.
But as much as the TV is white noise for Jeff and me, Biscuit is sucking up everything he hears. And have you noticed how much cussing, sex and violence is on that box at any given time? It's a lot!
Plus, he's becoming dependent on its entertainment. Why use your imagination when the screen can provide the story for you?
As we were putting him to bed the other night, Biscuit had a bit of a meltdown. He got all upset and started crying.
"What's wrong?" Jeff asked him.
Before reading Biscuit's response, picture the saddest face you can imagine, complete with tears streaming down his face.
"Dad, TV is the best thing in the whole world, and I didn't get to watch any shows tonight," the sad little child wailed.
"Dude!" Jeff said. And that was it.
I guess we could've lectured him on how TV is a luxury, not a necessity. Or how some families have a no-TV-during-the-week rule. But Jeff and I decided we'd just try to get back to our old rule - two shows after bath.
Until then, let's hope our poor addicted child can handle a little TV deprivation.