Noises from everywhere

Warning: If you are offended by the following words, you might want to stop reading now ... boogers, poop and poot.

These are the words and/or noises that as of recently our Biscuit baby says or does with no hesitations.

Now, I realize that all of these things are perfectly normal bodily functions. But I know that there are stigmas, manners and socially accepted behaviors attached to them, too.

But not for a 2-year-old.

If he has boogers, he will tell you loud and clear, no matter where you are, no matter who's around: "Got boogers, Mama." I usually whip out a tissue and take care of business, but I'll go ahead and tell you with no embarrassment that I won't hesitate to stick my finger in his nose, either. And yes, I've washed his face with spit, too. Just like my Mama did and her Mama did and her Mama did.

Biscuit announcing he has poop is a little more disturbing. Imagine hearing in the middle of a restaurant, "GOT POOP, MAMA. GOT POOP! POOP IN PANTS, MOM." Other parents probably understand. Most of them have probably been there. But of all the things my kid could yell in a restaurant, "got poop" isn't exactly at the top of my favorites list.

And the most frustrating thing about dealing with poop is that there are so, so many restaurants and stores that don't have changing tables in the bathroom. So you have to take the kid to the car and change the diaper there. And sometimes it's cold. And sometimes it's raining. And if you try to picture the situation, you can see that although Biscuit is in the car, I'm hanging halfway out ... getting cold ... getting wet.

This happened just the other night. We went out to dinner, then took the in-laws to a sweet treat spot. Just as everyone was getting settled at the table, Biscuit make his announcement. I knew the bathroom didn't have a changing area, so I took him out to the car.

Let me set the scene ... the temperature was in the low 30s, Biscuit was wearing several layers, and when it gets cold, the hydraulic door-holder-upper thing on the back door of my car doesn't work, so the lift gate had to rest on my back. So I lifted Biscuit into the back of the car, stuck myself halfway in the back of the car, let the door down on my back and proceeded to try to find my baby under the layers of clothing I had dressed him in. I was also trying to move quickly before hypothermia set in on his bare little legs. Needless to say, the situation was not ideal. Actually, it's rarely ideal.

So we've talked about boogers and poop. Let's move on to gas.

Biscuit doesn't yet see a difference between poop and poot, so we never know if he has gas or if we need to change a messy diaper. And when it's gas, he just lets it fly. No inhibitions.

Jeff was still in bed while I was taking a shower the other morning. I walked back into the bedroom to get some socks, and I witnessed my sweet baby boy raise one side of his butt up while he passed gas on my pillow. HE FARTED WHERE I LAY MY HEAD TO SLEEP!!!! It didn't faze him. He did it and kept right on watching cartoons.

That same night, Jeff was giving Biscuit a bath. Jeff asked him to stand up so he could wash his behind. As Jeff was leaning over to finish the bath, Biscuit propped one hand on top of Jeff's head, raised his leg and let one fly ... right in Jeff's face.

It gets to the point where there's really nothing you can do but laugh. And that's exactly what we do. We laugh, then Biscuit laughs. My family laughs together. How funny is it that we can find joy in the crudest of moments?