Friday, May 2, 2014

Baseball stinks ... literally!

When you take boys one at a time, they can be sweet and loving and just a joy to be around.

But when you get a whole bunch of them together, they become awful, gross little people.

I know this because Jeff and I and one other parent were the only ones to get off the bleachers to help out at Biscuit's first ballgame tonight.

I stood at the dugout to tell the boys when it was their time to bat. And it took less than 5 minutes for them to start talking about which one had the worst smelling farts. Yep, farts.

"YOUR farts smell so bad that it'll make you cry," one of them said.

"Well you Dad's farts are even worse than that!" one of the others said.

"Well YOUR farts are a million, billion, GAZILLION times stinkier than that!" another one said.

I started to call them down, but then I thought, "Nope. I'm not even going there."

When our team was in the field, Jeff, that other Dad and I were out there with the kids. I was standing near second base, and I really wanted to jerk a knot in the kid standing near me. He was loud. He was obnoxious. He was rude. He was a bad sport. He kept bumping the runner off the base. And he actually poked his finger in the other kid's chest and said, "Y'all are LOSERS!"

Oh my goodness! I'd like to keep him for two weeks. Just two weeks!

I wasn't about to say anything to the kid because who knows how his parent(s) would've reacted. So I turned toward the coach and said, "Hey, Coach, there's some smack-talk going on over here."

But his hands are tied, too. He doesn't even touch the kids when he helps them get ready to bat. He grabs the bat and turns them around to the correct position. I realize horrible things have happened for some kids and families, but I would not have a problem with him turning Biscuit's shoulders and placing his hands together on the bat. But I also understand why he doesn't do any of that.

When the kids hit the ball, they can only take one base at a time until they make it home. After Biscuit hit the last time, he made it around to third base, where he promptly farted. Jeff was standing there to hear the third baseman say, "Did you just fart?"

Biscuit didn't even respond to the kid. He just looked at him and smiled.

Yep, boys in groups are gross, terrible creatures!

Way to get in front of the ball, Biscuit.

Biscuit played between first and second base the first time he was on the field.
The second time out, he played shortstop, and the last time he played first base.
Biscuit hit the ball this time, but for his second two bats, he missed three
coach pitches and had to use the tee. Biscuit swings really well at the first
pitch, but if he misses it, his second two swings are pretty half-hearted.

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