Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Out of the mouth of my babe

A few things Biscuit has said recently:

Business on TV: Jeff was helping Biscuit in the shower the other night, and things were pretty quiet. That silence usually means that Biscuit is pondering something, and a hard-to-answer question is coming.

"Hey, Dad," Biscuit said. "Have you ever noticed that nobody on TV ever has to go to the bathroom?"

"What do you mean?" Jeff asked.

"Well, like the Power Rangers," Biscuit said. "They never go to the bathroom. ... I don't even know if they HAVE a bathroom."

Captain Obvious: Biscuit and I were horseplaying the other afternoon. I was lying on his bed, and he tried to scoot past me. I reached out to grab his arm and ended up slapping him pretty hard right on the side of his neck.

I apologized, and we laughed about it. And I said, "Dude! You cannot tell Dad that I slapped you in the neck."

"Why, Mom?" Biscuit asked.

"Because I'll get in trouble for being mean to you!" I said.

A few minutes later, Jeff walked in the front door. 

Biscuit ran to the top of the stairs and yelled, "Good evening, Dad! Mama didn't slap me in the neck or anything while you were gone."

Thanks for the subtlety, dude!

To bed or not to bed: Jeff and I were talking in the living room, and last we knew, Biscuit was playing.

Then Biscuit walks into the living room and asks (with much attitude), "Is someone gonna take me to bed or what?"

The natural way: While Jeff was covering the golf tournament, Biscuit and I went out to dinner with one of my friends.

She asked Biscuit if he had made any friends during summer day camp.

"Yes, yes I have," Biscuit said. "One of my new friends, you know what he does?"

"What?" she asked him.

"He gets everybody's attention in our room, and then, get this," BIscuit said. "He uses his armpit to fart!"

"Really?" she said with pretend disgust, but really trying not to laugh.

"Hey, your uncle knows how to do that," I told him. "Do you want him to teach you?"

"Um, no, Mom!" Biscuit said, in a deadly serious tone. "I only want to fart with my butt!"

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