A mother's rant

Warning: I'm mad, and it's about breastfeeding. So if you don't want to read a rant or read about breastfeeding, stop now.

Otherwise, I'd like to start by saying that I am so absolutely sick of all these high-and-mighty people and their double standards.

All these women are out there talking about how they should have a right to make all decisions concerning their bodies, be it birth control or abortions or hormones or hysterectomies or lump removal vs. mastectomies. But for some reason, that logic doesn't apply to breastfeeding. 

Nobody seems to want women to be able to make choices about whether or not they breastfeed their children.

I don't think you'll find too many people who would argue that breastfeeding isn't the best way to feed your children. I believe that's true, too. There are very strong arguments to make about giving your child that physical leg-up, as well as the bonding between mother and baby. It's also cheaper than other feeding methods and helps new moms lose baby weight.

By saying all that, don't you think that most moms, given the choice or ability, would breastfeed their children?

But ... sometimes it doesn't happen the way it should. And sometimes it's not in the best interest of the mother. And sometimes the child needs more. And sometimes the stress of it all is just too much.

Biscuit was born three weeks early. He was what they consider at the hospital a borderline preemie. He was born with no problems whatsoever, but my milk never came in. It was almost like my body was so surprised by Biscuit's arrival, that it didn't know what to do next.

I tried and tried and tried to make it happen. I had visits from three different lactation consultants, each of whom gave me a different set of instructions on how to do something that I thought would just happen in a natural progression. Just like Biscuit arrived when the time was right. I figured the breastfeeding would kick in, just like it was supposed to.

But it didn't.

I tried two different breast pumps. I tried nipple shields. I tried every breastfeeding position known to man. And I can't tell you how many hours I spent worrying and crying and feeling guilty about not being able to provide for my son. It was a terrible feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Finally, I went back for a check up with my ob/gyn. I told her what was going on with the breastfeeding. I told her this while I sat on the exam table and cried about it for the umpteenth time.

You know what she said? "Stop trying." That's what she said.

She told me that the stress and worry and guilt that I was dealing with was raising my blood pressure and preventing me from enjoying my new son. She told me that my son was perfectly happy and healthy, and that's all that mattered.

Since Biscuit has been here, I have talked to so many other new moms who have struggled in one way or another with breastfeeding. And what hurts me most is hearing them say that they've been criticized and lectured to and made to feel guilty. What exactly does that accomplish ... other than making these women feel like bad mothers?

What should be happening is that new mothers who are struggling with breastfeeding should have a place to go where they can get help without all the crap. These so-called support groups need to get down off their high horses and treat these suffering moms with respect and kindness instead of judgement and guilt. And these fellow moms, whether they struggled with it themselves or not, need to remember how hard it is to have a brand-new baby. They need to either show some support or keep their mouths shut!

And that's all I have to say about that.