Check your tone

During my birthday festivities yesterday, Jeff and I stopped to get lunch at a place that lots of people use as an Internet café. We thought it was funny that we were eating and chatting, and every other person in our sight was glued to a laptop screen.

All of a sudden, this woman (probably in her early 20s) jumped up and started walking around frantically. She was holding her laptop, dragging the power cord behind her.

She walked up to a table occupied by a girl, probably in her late teens and with no introduction or even greeting, she said, “Do you have wi-fi?” and just stared at the girl. The girl looked up at her and said, “Yes, mine is working fine.”

The frustrated girl continued to ask several other people in the café, using that same exasperated tone of voice with every one of them.

If she had asked me about wi-fi in the tone of voice she was using with everyone else, I don’t know if I would’ve answered her. Clearly, if never occurred to her that 1. she was interrupting whatever these people were doing, and 2. even though she was frustrated with her loss of Internet, she should’ve checked her tone of voice when she talked to these people.

A restaurant employee walked over, took our her own cellphone and said, “It looks like our service is working okay because I can get it on my phone.”

And again using a hateful tone of voice, the frustrated girl said, “Well I can get it on my PHONE. I want it on my COMPUTER!”

Well if all the other computer users aren’t having problems. And everyone can get it on their cellphones, doesn’t that mean that this girl’s computer is the problem, not the restaurant’s wi-fi?

She asked to see a manager, then when he came over, she said, “You guys need to reset your modem. The Internet is running slow on my phone and not at all on my computer.”

The manager told her that their cash registers and credit card machines run on the same modems, so if they were working (which they were), the wi-fi was fine. The girl did not like that answer.

I looked at Jeff incredulously, and he said, "You know, the way I was raised, you don't complain about something when it's free."

He had a point. 

I don’t know what she did after that because I finally pulled my attention away from her and started talking to Jeff about something else. But I kept thinking about how she talked to everyone. It was just rude and not at all nice.

So of course I started thinking about my own behavior and how it’s perceived by Biscuit.

Jeff and I were arguing about something a couple of weeks ago. I don’t even remember what it was.

Jeff is terrible at arguing. And I’m really good at it. So I have to make a conscious effort to play fair when we’re having a “discussion.” But sometimes, the heat of the moment takes over, and I’ll say something in a not-so-nice tone or just something I don’t even mean. And sometimes, Biscuit is a witness to those things.

Biscuit’s view of marriage is going to come from watching Jeff and me. And although no couple can be on their best behavior every step of every day, we do need to keep in mind that we’re setting an example for him and his future.

So back to Jeff and me arguing. Jeff said something, then as I was making my comeback, I was also walking toward the dining room to put something on the table. I said whatever it was that I was going to say and glanced up to see Biscuit staring at me wide-eyed.

I don’t know what was going through Biscuit’s head. For all I know, he could’ve been wishing Jeff and I would be quiet so he could hear his cartoons better. But the look on his face definitely got my attention. I immediately toned it down and went back in the kitchen where Jeff was. Seeing that look on Biscuit’s face, I honestly lost a lot of the steam I had built up during mine and Jeff’s argument.

It’s hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but aside from what we say to people, HOW we say it matters, too.